Monday - Jan 31, 2011
What's the deal with this word "LOVE"? People love it, people hate it, some don't even wanna know what it is, some spend their whole lives looking for it. Now the type of love I'm going to be talking about today is the type between partners.. Aka lovers.. Aka bf/gf/whatever koolaide flavor you like
Now people have asked me recently,
"Minh, how do you do it?"
"How do you move on after a long relationship?"
"How do you deal with this?"
"How do you make it work?"
"How do you know, when you've met the one?"
"What do you believe is love?".
Well, I'll explain "my" way of relationship thinking to you. Maybe you'll like it and maybe you won't, however, its relationship common sense, come on now, use your brain. So, in every relationship that I'm in regardless of whether we're dating or already bf/gf, a week in, a year in,
I put in 110% effort. If anything, that's the best piece of advice I can give to anyone. You should get out of a relationship what you put in. Well.. you're suppose to at least. An analogy of this is like investing in stock; you invest time/money into it but if u dont make money out of it, u'd take ur money out of it, otherwise, you stay in there right?. (not to say that love is an investment.. But.. Isn't it??) lol
So.. "Why would I put 110% into every relationship, that's too much effort?". Well, if you put all that effort into it, and it doesn't work out, then you have
no regrets. You can't say "son of a biscuit, I should've did this or that" because, well, you've already done everything you can, right?
And this answers my next question of "How do you move on after a long relationship? Don't you need time to get yourself back together?"
Well this answer, pretty much answers all the other questions. I know what I put into this and it's not working, so why do I need time to mope? Why should I allow myself to be depressed and sad when I couldn't do anything else to make this relationship work? I always tell myself after a relationship ends, "What more could I have done? Nothing, because I did it all." Then I start working on the mind game. I delete emails, numbers, facebooks, pictures, etc. Everything that I need to erase the memory for a quicker return. It's natural to me now. I'm strong enough to leave and move on. I say, you pick urself up and take care of yourself. You should only be worried about number 1 at this point (that's you).
"Well how do you make it work?"
So, it's not to say that if something's really bothering me, that I'm going to leave right away without working at it. No that's not it. I'll help out and work towards it, but there's a line. For example: if my Gf was gaining weight and it depressed her then started to affect our relationship because of moodswings and what have you, I would (and have) start working out and do it with her or, try to do more active things or try to cook better or whatever to motivate her to work out or to take care of herself.. But when you're the one doing it and your partner isn't "trying", there's nothing you can do. It takes two to row a boat. If only one person is paddling, you'd be going no where, except in circles. It takes two to tango kiddo. So put in it what you want out from it. Keep your partner happy.. keep yourself attractive for them... Be spontaneous. Being in a relationship doesn't give you a pass to be lazy or to let go of yourself. Shallow or not, it's being said. I rather be straight forward other than beating behind the bush. That bush is already trimmed so stop beating it. If you're happy being miserable, then do what you do, however, If I'm not happy, my gf will know.
"So how do you know when you've met the one?"
My belief is that there isn't such a thing as "the one". You can be with anyone. It just depends on how much you want it, and how much they want it. The issue is more of, finding someone that's willing to put that same
effort into it than you, if not more. "Yes", there will be problems and arguments along the way, but that's life in a relationship. How you deal with it and take it in and move pass that is totally up to you, in which your relationship depends on it. I know sometimes people get annoy by things their bf/gf does and such, but think about the big picture here. Are you really going to end a perfectly fine relationship because your gf chews with her mouth open? Probably not, but you should tell her you have an issue with it, and its not flattering. Are you going to end your relationship because your bf goes through your text messages without you knowing? Probably should, cus that's crossing the line of trust which a relationship is based on. You have to know what to look past and what lines to draw, however, you also have to see things through your partner's point of view and have an opened mind. You live and learn by your mistakes/mishaps.. Nothing will be perfect, however, it can be close. So it brings us back to the whole "putting 110%" into it at all times.
"what do you believe is love.."
I'd tell you what.. Love is when I'm happy, that you're happy. Love is when I tell you how my day was, and you actually listen and care that I got robbed by a leprechaun. Love is when I'm in trouble, but I hope you're okay. Love is that you're willing to learn things that I love, and vis versa. Love is when you can make me smile for any reason. Love is dental floss. Love is trying.
But.. like Tina Turner said... "whats love got to do with it.." She's right. A relationship should be based on capability, trust, loyalty, happiness, and other lil things. I believe that
Love should only be the benefit of a working relationship. :)
Til tomorrow, I leave this question for my subscribers, "what do you think love is?" [o_O ]
It's Let's support Tina Turner week!
